Wow, I never realized how much my family has influenced me throughout the years. I have found things out about myself that I inherited from generations and generations of West, Degears, Broughtons and so on and so forth. I have found that I got my looks from my great great grandmother on my dad's mom's side of the family, who knew...I got my ability to hold alcohol (to some extent) from the Scottish background, and my stubbornness, the thing I am most well known for, I recieved from my grandpa West. (That makes me proud to be stubborn) But I also discovered that my love for poetry, both reading and writing it, I got from my mom's side of the family. Recently, in the move from one room to the other here at home, I came across a booklet that my mom had given me when she found out that I liked poetry...it is from my great-great grandmother, Mary-Anne Broughton (the Scottish Princess, as she was known by her mother) She is actually really good, although most of her work was slightly depressing and very sad...it lead me to believe that she was not a happy person...but then again, poetry is a way of releasing angry and sadness...so that may be all it is, I suppose I will never know. So I am including three pieces that she wrote when she was my age.
He thinks I still care
Just because I asked my friend about him
Just because I said his name somewhere
Just because I rang his number by mistake today
He thinks that I still care
Just because my head sang "old faces"
Where the memory of him lingers everywhere
Just because I am not the happy girl I used to be
He thinks that I still care
But if he's happy thinking that I still love him
Then let the silly notion bring him tears
How could he ever be so foolish
Whatever gave him that idea
Forget Him
Forget his name
Forget his face
Forget his kiss
His warm embrace
Forget to see him everyday
Remember now he's gone away
Forget you cried the whole night long
Forget him when they play your song
Forget how happy you once were
Remember now, he's chosen her
Forget you memorized his walk
Forget the way he used to talk
Forget the time he made you mad
Remember now and don't be sad
Forget his gentle teasing way
Forget you saw him yesterday
Forget the things you used to do
Remember now he loves her too
Forget the thrills as he walked by
Forget the times he made you cry
Forget the times he held your hand
Forget those times, now you can
Forget the way he made you feel
Remember now it was not real
Forget the times, it's in the past
Forget the thing, they went too fast
Forget he said he's never leave you
Remember now, he's gone forever
Forget him...
From someone who can't
The Last Words
AND IF HE SHOULD COME BACK,
WHAT AM I TO SAY?
-Tell him that I watched for him
All my life away
AND IF HE SHOULD ASK ME MORE,
NOR KNOW MY FACE AGAIN?
-Speak gently as a sister speaks
He may be in pain
IF HE ASKS ME WHERE YOU ARE
HOW SHALL I REPLY?
-Then give him back the golden ring
Give it silently
AND IF HE SHOULD WANT TO KNOW
WHY THE HALL STANDS BARE?
-Then show him the burnt out lamp
And the door ajar
AND IF HE SHOULD ASK ME
HOW DID YOU FALL ASLEEP?
-Tell him that I smiled and died
Do not let him weep
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
You are not an accident- (Chapter 2, Purpose Driven Life)
"I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2a (Msg.)
"God doesn't play dice." Albert Einstein.
"You are not an accident.
Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not surprised by your birth. In fact, He expected it.
Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were concieved in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you!
God prescribed every single detail of your bosy. He deliberately chose your race, the colour of your skin, your hair and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.
Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death." The Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 2, page 22-23
Wow, I was reading this chapter this morning and it hit me, that yeah, God knows everything about me, even before I do them, He knows what is going to happen...sometimes that makes me feel really horrible...like if I am angry at someone and I end up saying things that I shouldn't...it upsets me to know that God knew I was going to say it before it happened. Yikes! The verses from Psalms 139 come to mind right now...you know the ones I am talking about..."You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something." (MSG)
"Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn't matter whether your parents were good, or bad or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom "you" He had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.
While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by the parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God's purpose took into account human error and even sin." (The Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 2, page 23)
Okay, this one hit hard...I know that I for one always think badly on teenage parents and people who have sex outside of marriage that lands them pregnant...well...I never once stopped to think that God had a plan for those children too. For example, two of my friends got married a month or so ago, and they just let me know that the bride was 5 months pregnant...which means, yep, that baby was conceived before they were married...automatically I thought poorly of them. But now, I remember that ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD! (Romans 3:23) And that God does know that baby and knew that baby was coming for a long long time, and He still loves it and wants it to fulfill its plan...so I now accept that baby and will love it no matter what.
Let's close this entry with a little poem that I came across while reading this morning. It is by a man named Russell Kelfer:
You are who you are for a reason
You're part of an intricate plan
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man
You look like you look for a reason
Our God made no mistake
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose
And no matter how you may feel
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind
And they bear the Master's seal
No, that trauma you faced was not easy
And God wept that it hurt you so
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow
You are who you are for a reason
You've been formed by the Master's rod
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
"God doesn't play dice." Albert Einstein.
"You are not an accident.
Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not surprised by your birth. In fact, He expected it.
Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were concieved in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you!
God prescribed every single detail of your bosy. He deliberately chose your race, the colour of your skin, your hair and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.
Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death." The Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 2, page 22-23
Wow, I was reading this chapter this morning and it hit me, that yeah, God knows everything about me, even before I do them, He knows what is going to happen...sometimes that makes me feel really horrible...like if I am angry at someone and I end up saying things that I shouldn't...it upsets me to know that God knew I was going to say it before it happened. Yikes! The verses from Psalms 139 come to mind right now...you know the ones I am talking about..."You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something." (MSG)
"Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn't matter whether your parents were good, or bad or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom "you" He had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.
While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by the parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God's purpose took into account human error and even sin." (The Purpose Driven Life, Chapter 2, page 23)
Okay, this one hit hard...I know that I for one always think badly on teenage parents and people who have sex outside of marriage that lands them pregnant...well...I never once stopped to think that God had a plan for those children too. For example, two of my friends got married a month or so ago, and they just let me know that the bride was 5 months pregnant...which means, yep, that baby was conceived before they were married...automatically I thought poorly of them. But now, I remember that ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD! (Romans 3:23) And that God does know that baby and knew that baby was coming for a long long time, and He still loves it and wants it to fulfill its plan...so I now accept that baby and will love it no matter what.
Let's close this entry with a little poem that I came across while reading this morning. It is by a man named Russell Kelfer:
You are who you are for a reason
You're part of an intricate plan
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man
You look like you look for a reason
Our God made no mistake
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose
And no matter how you may feel
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind
And they bear the Master's seal
No, that trauma you faced was not easy
And God wept that it hurt you so
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow
You are who you are for a reason
You've been formed by the Master's rod
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
Monday, September 27, 2004
Singing Hearts
Ask not what the world needs, ask rather what makes your heart sing, and go do that, for what the world needs is people with hearts that sing.
-Philip Thatcher
We have become so confused, it seems, about living and the real meaning of our lives.
What if the meaning of life is just the living of it? What is the most any of us has to do is to open up to a conscious contact with God and live out what is right for us while we prayerfully ask for guidance and support?
We spend so much time trying to figure out what other think we should do, and resenting it---what we think other want us to do and resenting it---or what we think we should do, and you guessed it, resenting it. We have little time in all this confusion to see what it is that truly "makes our hearts sing." And that is God
A singing heart could be a great contribution to the universe...why not try it out?
-Philip Thatcher
We have become so confused, it seems, about living and the real meaning of our lives.
What if the meaning of life is just the living of it? What is the most any of us has to do is to open up to a conscious contact with God and live out what is right for us while we prayerfully ask for guidance and support?
We spend so much time trying to figure out what other think we should do, and resenting it---what we think other want us to do and resenting it---or what we think we should do, and you guessed it, resenting it. We have little time in all this confusion to see what it is that truly "makes our hearts sing." And that is God
A singing heart could be a great contribution to the universe...why not try it out?
Friday, September 24, 2004
Thoughts for Today
"We have a lot of anxieties, and one cancels out another very often." Winston Churchill
Learning to wait is one of those life lessons that seems to be wasted on the young. Time is often one of the best healers and sorter-outers of our issues. Often, when we do not have a quick solution to a problem, we buck and kick and throw ourselves against the corral of our minds and beings, believing that if we just fling our minds around frantically enough we will find a solution.
We forget that problems and solutions often are not encountered simultaneously. We forget that we are often so distraught when the problem appears that we could not even see that the solution presented itself immediately.
Sometimes, we need to sit with a problem and let it seep into us, without focusing upon it, while we go about our daily work, and we will discover that problems often do, indeed cancel each other out.
It's hard to hear that "still small voice" when you are kicking and screaming inside.
Learning to wait is one of those life lessons that seems to be wasted on the young. Time is often one of the best healers and sorter-outers of our issues. Often, when we do not have a quick solution to a problem, we buck and kick and throw ourselves against the corral of our minds and beings, believing that if we just fling our minds around frantically enough we will find a solution.
We forget that problems and solutions often are not encountered simultaneously. We forget that we are often so distraught when the problem appears that we could not even see that the solution presented itself immediately.
Sometimes, we need to sit with a problem and let it seep into us, without focusing upon it, while we go about our daily work, and we will discover that problems often do, indeed cancel each other out.
It's hard to hear that "still small voice" when you are kicking and screaming inside.
Uncertainty Grips Us All
Well, as I said last week, the new Survivor series has started...and for once, I am not sure if I am totally in to this one...it reminds me a whole lot of the Amazon one...which was never my favourite. Anyways, here is my recap of last nights adventures
On night six of SURVIVOR: VANUATU, the Yasur tribe was forced to make their first, dreaded trek to Tribal Council where they ousted Dolly Neely, in a strategic decision. Finding herself the swing vote in a tribe of two factions, Dolly quickly learned that power is not necessarily a good thing on these islands. Fearing Dolly's control, members from both of Yasur's alliances sent the 25-year-old sheep farmer home in a five-to-four decision.
After witnessing her torch being snuffed out, Dolly admitted, "I wasn't cut out for this. I'm way too simple and I just belong on the farm." Well, duh...of course you do sweetheart.
After suffering yet another freezing and sleepless night, the Lopevi tribe awoke on day four in serious need of a morale boost. Desperately needing to boil their undrinkable water, the thirsty Lopevi tribe banded together in an attempt to build a fire. Just as they were close to igniting a flame by friction, the Vanuatu skies sent down rain, causing all hopes of fire to be washed away. "We know exactly that if we don't get water soon, we're going to be hurting. These girls are going to kick our tails," confessed Travis Sampson. But really, the girls could "kick their tails" anyhow.
Hungry beyond belief, the women of Yasur worked to find food. After struggling to bring down a patch of bananas from a tall tree, the tribe cooked up what was to be a feast of plantains. To their dismay, the tribe found the bananas to be infested with maggots. Some of the tribe members continued to eat them while others simply fell apart. "These young ones, I don't know what they was thinking. If it comes down to eating maggots, I'm gonna eat maggots. Protein. Eat 'em. Shut up!" complained Twila Tanner.
As the tribes convened for the Reward Challenge, Host Jeff Probst explained that this Challenge would involve balance and teamwork. Eight castaways from each tribe would stand on a narrow beam over water. One at a time, the Survivors would have to move down the beam, squeezing past their fellow tribe members. If they fall off, they would have to start over. Also, the castaway moving down the beam would not be allowed to touch more than one tribe member at a time. The first tribe to get all eight members to the finish platform would win a Reward of pillows, blankets, and a hammock. Also, the Lopevi tribe, if they were to win, would secure flint, which would help to build a much-needed fire.
The competition started out with members of both tribes getting acquainted with one another in a physical way. After a few failed attempts, Yasur tribe member Eliza Orlins, made her way across, followed by her tribe mate, Julie Berry. Brady Finta, made his way to the finishing platform, allowing the men of Lopevi to tighten the race. The women increased their lead to four tribe members to one as Twila crossed over to the final platform. Lopevi simply could not find their way back despite Ami Cusack, being forced to start over.
After Ami made her way across, the women of Yasur made easy work of the competition and finished well ahead of Lopevi. As the Yasur tribe secured the victory, they celebrated with a dance and cheered to the chagrin of the Lopevi tribe members.
This is my least favourite part of any series of this show. Stupid Jerk! What was his problem anyways...all they did was dance! GRRR...okay, here is what happened: After returning to camp from his second straight defeat, Lopevi member Rory Freeman, was furious as to what he considered poor Yasur sportsmanship. Not sharing in his anger, Rory's tribe mates found it strange that Yasur's celebration bothered him as much as it did. The two losses, coupled with Rory's anger and lack of water, conspired to create a Lopevi tribe that was moving toward disarray.
Meanwhile at Yasur, the tribe awoke refreshed, thanks to their new blankets and pillows. Still hungry, the women of Yasur chased a chicken that had wandered into their camp. Twila's attempts to kill the chicken were in vain; however, the eggs left behind did help quell their hunger. "We almost had us a chicken!" she exclaimed.
Despite all the members getting along, factions were still forming at Yasur. After learning that she had been a target, Twila formed an alliance with Dolly. Dolly and Twila's alliance crossed over the factional lines at Yasur, which were divided between the younger and older women of the tribe. "The younger group would be Mia, Julie, Dolly, Eliza and Lisa. And the older group means more like Scout, Twila, and I think Leann's in the older group," observed Ami.
As the tribes assembled for an Immunity Challenge, Jeff Probst explained this competition would test communication, as well as teamwork. The tribes would be required to assemble a series of platforms to an observation deck. Each platform would be made from puzzle pieces. Blindfolded, the castaways would need to retrieve these puzzle pieces from the land and sea with the aid of a fellow tribe member who is not blindfolded. Once all the pieces are gathered, the tribe would then remove their blindfolds in order to put together their platform puzzles. Once the platforms are pieced together, the Survivors would then race to the top of the observation deck. The first tribe to finish all of the platform puzzles would win the crucial Immunity. If Lopevi were to win, they would also receive their coveted flint.
***Now a little side note, this is one of my favourite challenges because so many people run into each other and there is a real possibility that someone will get hurt...but really...it is just funny***
The Challenge started off in chaos as the blindfolded members bumped into each other, as well tree roots and puzzle pieces. Lopevi took the lead by retrieving eight puzzle pieces to Yasur's five. As the action continued, Yasur tribe mate Eliza asked Scout Cloud Lee, if they needed to get another puzzle piece, to which Scout replied, "No, we're good." Scout was mistaken, as there was one final Yasur puzzle piece in the water.
Yasur did not succeed as Lopevi took off their blindfolds and started to assemble their puzzle. Lopevi never looked back as they made quick work of the rest of the puzzles in order to claim their first Challenge of SURVIVOR: VANUATU, which would bring them fire as well as the crucial Immunity.
After experiencing their first defeat, Yasur returned to camp with the unenviable task of having to vote someone out of the tribe at the evening's Tribal Council. The factions and politicking went into high gear with Leann Slaby, and Eliza being on the chopping block. Finding herself as the swing vote, Dolly voiced her concern. "My head is completely spinning and I'm afraid because I don't want to make the wrong choice. I'm definitely in the middle and I hate that."
In the end, Dolly definitely had good reason to hate being in the middle because she was perceived as a threat to the rest of her tribe. The women of Yasur decided Dolly's power was simply too strong, and they chose to eliminate her in the five-to-four decision. Dolly became the second castaway to be voted out of SURVIVOR: VANUATU.
On night six of SURVIVOR: VANUATU, the Yasur tribe was forced to make their first, dreaded trek to Tribal Council where they ousted Dolly Neely, in a strategic decision. Finding herself the swing vote in a tribe of two factions, Dolly quickly learned that power is not necessarily a good thing on these islands. Fearing Dolly's control, members from both of Yasur's alliances sent the 25-year-old sheep farmer home in a five-to-four decision.
After witnessing her torch being snuffed out, Dolly admitted, "I wasn't cut out for this. I'm way too simple and I just belong on the farm." Well, duh...of course you do sweetheart.
After suffering yet another freezing and sleepless night, the Lopevi tribe awoke on day four in serious need of a morale boost. Desperately needing to boil their undrinkable water, the thirsty Lopevi tribe banded together in an attempt to build a fire. Just as they were close to igniting a flame by friction, the Vanuatu skies sent down rain, causing all hopes of fire to be washed away. "We know exactly that if we don't get water soon, we're going to be hurting. These girls are going to kick our tails," confessed Travis Sampson. But really, the girls could "kick their tails" anyhow.
Hungry beyond belief, the women of Yasur worked to find food. After struggling to bring down a patch of bananas from a tall tree, the tribe cooked up what was to be a feast of plantains. To their dismay, the tribe found the bananas to be infested with maggots. Some of the tribe members continued to eat them while others simply fell apart. "These young ones, I don't know what they was thinking. If it comes down to eating maggots, I'm gonna eat maggots. Protein. Eat 'em. Shut up!" complained Twila Tanner.
As the tribes convened for the Reward Challenge, Host Jeff Probst explained that this Challenge would involve balance and teamwork. Eight castaways from each tribe would stand on a narrow beam over water. One at a time, the Survivors would have to move down the beam, squeezing past their fellow tribe members. If they fall off, they would have to start over. Also, the castaway moving down the beam would not be allowed to touch more than one tribe member at a time. The first tribe to get all eight members to the finish platform would win a Reward of pillows, blankets, and a hammock. Also, the Lopevi tribe, if they were to win, would secure flint, which would help to build a much-needed fire.
The competition started out with members of both tribes getting acquainted with one another in a physical way. After a few failed attempts, Yasur tribe member Eliza Orlins, made her way across, followed by her tribe mate, Julie Berry. Brady Finta, made his way to the finishing platform, allowing the men of Lopevi to tighten the race. The women increased their lead to four tribe members to one as Twila crossed over to the final platform. Lopevi simply could not find their way back despite Ami Cusack, being forced to start over.
After Ami made her way across, the women of Yasur made easy work of the competition and finished well ahead of Lopevi. As the Yasur tribe secured the victory, they celebrated with a dance and cheered to the chagrin of the Lopevi tribe members.
This is my least favourite part of any series of this show. Stupid Jerk! What was his problem anyways...all they did was dance! GRRR...okay, here is what happened: After returning to camp from his second straight defeat, Lopevi member Rory Freeman, was furious as to what he considered poor Yasur sportsmanship. Not sharing in his anger, Rory's tribe mates found it strange that Yasur's celebration bothered him as much as it did. The two losses, coupled with Rory's anger and lack of water, conspired to create a Lopevi tribe that was moving toward disarray.
Meanwhile at Yasur, the tribe awoke refreshed, thanks to their new blankets and pillows. Still hungry, the women of Yasur chased a chicken that had wandered into their camp. Twila's attempts to kill the chicken were in vain; however, the eggs left behind did help quell their hunger. "We almost had us a chicken!" she exclaimed.
Despite all the members getting along, factions were still forming at Yasur. After learning that she had been a target, Twila formed an alliance with Dolly. Dolly and Twila's alliance crossed over the factional lines at Yasur, which were divided between the younger and older women of the tribe. "The younger group would be Mia, Julie, Dolly, Eliza and Lisa. And the older group means more like Scout, Twila, and I think Leann's in the older group," observed Ami.
As the tribes assembled for an Immunity Challenge, Jeff Probst explained this competition would test communication, as well as teamwork. The tribes would be required to assemble a series of platforms to an observation deck. Each platform would be made from puzzle pieces. Blindfolded, the castaways would need to retrieve these puzzle pieces from the land and sea with the aid of a fellow tribe member who is not blindfolded. Once all the pieces are gathered, the tribe would then remove their blindfolds in order to put together their platform puzzles. Once the platforms are pieced together, the Survivors would then race to the top of the observation deck. The first tribe to finish all of the platform puzzles would win the crucial Immunity. If Lopevi were to win, they would also receive their coveted flint.
***Now a little side note, this is one of my favourite challenges because so many people run into each other and there is a real possibility that someone will get hurt...but really...it is just funny***
The Challenge started off in chaos as the blindfolded members bumped into each other, as well tree roots and puzzle pieces. Lopevi took the lead by retrieving eight puzzle pieces to Yasur's five. As the action continued, Yasur tribe mate Eliza asked Scout Cloud Lee, if they needed to get another puzzle piece, to which Scout replied, "No, we're good." Scout was mistaken, as there was one final Yasur puzzle piece in the water.
Yasur did not succeed as Lopevi took off their blindfolds and started to assemble their puzzle. Lopevi never looked back as they made quick work of the rest of the puzzles in order to claim their first Challenge of SURVIVOR: VANUATU, which would bring them fire as well as the crucial Immunity.
After experiencing their first defeat, Yasur returned to camp with the unenviable task of having to vote someone out of the tribe at the evening's Tribal Council. The factions and politicking went into high gear with Leann Slaby, and Eliza being on the chopping block. Finding herself as the swing vote, Dolly voiced her concern. "My head is completely spinning and I'm afraid because I don't want to make the wrong choice. I'm definitely in the middle and I hate that."
In the end, Dolly definitely had good reason to hate being in the middle because she was perceived as a threat to the rest of her tribe. The women of Yasur decided Dolly's power was simply too strong, and they chose to eliminate her in the five-to-four decision. Dolly became the second castaway to be voted out of SURVIVOR: VANUATU.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Myself
"A Human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself."
-Henry Winkler
I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of person I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all man's respect;
And here in the struggle for fame and wealth,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know
That I am a bluffer, and empty show.
I can neve hide myself from me:
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and guilt-free.
Peer Counsellor Workbook
-Henry Winkler
I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of person I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all man's respect;
And here in the struggle for fame and wealth,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know
That I am a bluffer, and empty show.
I can neve hide myself from me:
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and guilt-free.
Peer Counsellor Workbook
A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse
Have we ever stopped and let ourselves realize just how much time we spend nodding or winking at blind horses? So often, we believe that it is absolutely essential that others hear what we are saying and understand it completely. If they don't seem to be understanding us, we believe that if we speak more slowly, explain what ever we want them to understand more carefully, and raise the decibels ever so slightly than they will finally get it. It is important to remember that by our first utterance, we can usually get a pretty good idea if someone has any interest whatsoever in understanding what we are saying. If they have no iterest, give up. Most people tend to "not understand" what you are saying to them, because they generally don't care what you are talking about. Not saying these people are being rude in not caring, but it might just be beyond their level of comprehension thus none of their interest is there. If this person points out to you that they really do want to understand what you are talking about, explain it a third time, but then give up, there is no point in acting silly about it. Because really, nodding, winking and blabbling when someone has their eyes and ears closed is silly.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Where were you?
I realize that I am a few days late in this tribute, but what can I say, I am never a punctual person, I can count the number of times I was at work at 7:15 on the dot or earlier on one hand for the entire summer...some how that does not leave me in the "good books" maybe that is why I failed my evaluation...nope, not true, I need therapy.
But anyways, the tribute...September 11 2001. Where were you? I for one was at BLEC, in class when we found out what happened, and honestly, when I was first told, I didn't believe it, I thought it was a big lie because no one could take out the US, it was impossible in my mind. But apparently I was wrong. It was a horrible day, and people will never forget it, I know that I won't. It is one of those days that will live on to infamy...kinda like D-day and Pearl Harbour and Columbine. September 11 will always be remembered for the horrible acts again the States. But what about the horrible acts that the States are committing against Iraq and Afganistan? There are innocent people there too! Wow, I think I spent too much time with Andy Hill this summer...not that it is a bad thing. But yeah, this whole blog is based on a song that I was listening to this afternoon...it made me cry...I know shock, horror, gasp.
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
Alan Jackson
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
On that September day
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock
At the sight of that dark smoke
Rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger,
in fear of your neighbour
Or did you just lie down and cry
Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people
Who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below
Did you burst out with pride for
The Red, White and Blue
And the heros who died,
just doing what they do
Did you look up to Heaven
for some sort of answer
And look at yourself
And what really matters
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference between Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love
are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love
Where were you when the world stopped turning
On that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty 'cause your a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother
And tell her you love her
Did you dust off your Bible at home
Did you open your eyes
Hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunrise
For the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night
And think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church
And hold hands with some strangers
Go out and give your own blood
Did you just stay home
And cling tight to your family
And thank God you had somebody to love
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I don't think I could tell you
The difference between Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world stopped turning
On that September day?
But anyways, the tribute...September 11 2001. Where were you? I for one was at BLEC, in class when we found out what happened, and honestly, when I was first told, I didn't believe it, I thought it was a big lie because no one could take out the US, it was impossible in my mind. But apparently I was wrong. It was a horrible day, and people will never forget it, I know that I won't. It is one of those days that will live on to infamy...kinda like D-day and Pearl Harbour and Columbine. September 11 will always be remembered for the horrible acts again the States. But what about the horrible acts that the States are committing against Iraq and Afganistan? There are innocent people there too! Wow, I think I spent too much time with Andy Hill this summer...not that it is a bad thing. But yeah, this whole blog is based on a song that I was listening to this afternoon...it made me cry...I know shock, horror, gasp.
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
Alan Jackson
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
On that September day
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock
At the sight of that dark smoke
Rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger,
in fear of your neighbour
Or did you just lie down and cry
Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people
Who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below
Did you burst out with pride for
The Red, White and Blue
And the heros who died,
just doing what they do
Did you look up to Heaven
for some sort of answer
And look at yourself
And what really matters
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference between Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love
are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love
Where were you when the world stopped turning
On that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty 'cause your a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother
And tell her you love her
Did you dust off your Bible at home
Did you open your eyes
Hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunrise
For the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night
And think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church
And hold hands with some strangers
Go out and give your own blood
Did you just stay home
And cling tight to your family
And thank God you had somebody to love
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I don't think I could tell you
The difference between Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love
Where were you when the world stopped turning
On that September day?
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Update
~It is my sister's 23rd birthday today, so happy birthday Jen!
~Even though I am not engaged (please note the bold of that NOT) I have found the wedding dress of my dreams
~I am still currently unemployed...although I have apparently been added to a supply list, which is not bad at all.
~The interview I had on Saturday was horrible, I mean, think of the worst conversation you have ever taken part in and times it by 10 and then add in an ex-boyfriend named Dave, and you have got my interview pegged...want details, write me
~My room is now completely finished, all the pictures are now hung on the wall, so it definately has the feel of home.
~I was told today that I looked like an Indian Princess...not sure if that is a good thing or not
~I ran into an old friend at Swiss Chalet today, it was kinda strange, but they told me that I didn't look like a slut anymore, so that is a very good thing.
~I cancelled band practice tonight, and the band got angry at me...what is with that?
~I tripped going into the church sanctuary today, but really, what else is new.
~I went to the team baseball party yesterday and it made me cry because the head coach was saying good bye to all the boys because it didn't look like he would have the coaching job next summer and in the middle of the speech, his cell phone rang and sure enough we have a team next summer, so all the boys are going to play together one last time...so of course I cried more, because that is what I do...and then I got kissed on the cheek by all 11 boys...my brother did not kiss my cheek and one kid didn't even show.
~The boys were given Beer Mugs as their "trophey" for the season, creative right there
~I got a special thank you, even though I did not do anything this year.
~I am being attacked by the kitten right now
~I have not seen my best friends in a really long time, I think I need to fix that.
~I have not seen my boyfriend in a really really long time...but I will be going out east in aprox. 49 days. YAY!
~I am going back up to camp on Friday...yay...why am I not excited about this...oh right Kathy will be there.
I am done. Good night
~Even though I am not engaged (please note the bold of that NOT) I have found the wedding dress of my dreams
~I am still currently unemployed...although I have apparently been added to a supply list, which is not bad at all.
~The interview I had on Saturday was horrible, I mean, think of the worst conversation you have ever taken part in and times it by 10 and then add in an ex-boyfriend named Dave, and you have got my interview pegged...want details, write me
~My room is now completely finished, all the pictures are now hung on the wall, so it definately has the feel of home.
~I was told today that I looked like an Indian Princess...not sure if that is a good thing or not
~I ran into an old friend at Swiss Chalet today, it was kinda strange, but they told me that I didn't look like a slut anymore, so that is a very good thing.
~I cancelled band practice tonight, and the band got angry at me...what is with that?
~I tripped going into the church sanctuary today, but really, what else is new.
~I went to the team baseball party yesterday and it made me cry because the head coach was saying good bye to all the boys because it didn't look like he would have the coaching job next summer and in the middle of the speech, his cell phone rang and sure enough we have a team next summer, so all the boys are going to play together one last time...so of course I cried more, because that is what I do...and then I got kissed on the cheek by all 11 boys...my brother did not kiss my cheek and one kid didn't even show.
~The boys were given Beer Mugs as their "trophey" for the season, creative right there
~I got a special thank you, even though I did not do anything this year.
~I am being attacked by the kitten right now
~I have not seen my best friends in a really long time, I think I need to fix that.
~I have not seen my boyfriend in a really really long time...but I will be going out east in aprox. 49 days. YAY!
~I am going back up to camp on Friday...yay...why am I not excited about this...oh right Kathy will be there.
I am done. Good night
Friday, September 17, 2004
Some things never change
Well folks, a new season of Survivor is upon us and in my old fashion, I shall provide for you all a run down of each weeks antics. But I would like to just say Congrats to Kalan Porter, the new Canadian Idol, may he serve our country proud.
Thirty-nine days, eighteen new castaways, two tribes separated by gender and one frightening ring of fire. SURVIVOR: VANUATU--ISLANDS OF FIRE has begun. On night three, the newly formed Lopevi tribe was forced to make their first dreaded trek to Tribal Council, where they voted out Brook Geraghty, in a shocking decision. Convinced the tribe would vote out Chris Daugherty, for singlehandedly losing a vital Challenge, Brook was blindsided when he realized he was the victim of an early, unseen alliance within the tribe. Leaving Tribal Council, Brook remarked, "I got beat, bottom line. Some of them got me. They got me good."
Aboard a boat in the clear waters within the island nation of Vanuatu, eighteen strangers from different walks of life eagerly awaited the chance to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other in pursuit of the coveted million-dollar prize. The Survivors were awestruck to see hundreds of indigenous Vanuatu tribe members quickly rush the boat while shouting out a fierce battle cry. Host Jeff Probst explained that before the castaways were going to be welcome on these islands replete with black magic, sorcery and tribal rituals, they would first have to pass local initiation rites.
Upon reaching the shore, the castaways were greeted by spear-wielding Vanuatu warriors, who separated the Survivors by gender. It became obvious that the men were getting treatment superior to that given the women. The Vanuatu tribe Chief offered each man a local drink known as kava while the women were left to watch. After the Vanuatu warriors sacrificed a pig in a ritual, they smeared the blood on the faces of the male castaways, and then issued a challenge. If a male castaway could retrieve a spiritual stone from the top of a pole laden with pig fat, it would bring them good luck. If the male castaway were to fail, then the women would receive the stone and the luck. The first male Survivor chosen for this task was Brady Finta. Brady took to the task with perseverance as he shimmied up the pole and snatched the stone, thus starting off his journey with much-needed good luck.
After being divided into two tribes separated by gender, the Vanuatu castaways headed their separate ways through the dark night in order to find their respective camps. The men's tribe was called Lopevi, while the women were now the Yasur tribe. As the Yasur tribe negotiated the dangerous rocky beach path, factions quickly developed. Scout Cloud Lee, decided she would stop the trek in order to rest until daylight. She was joined by other tribemates while another group of Yasurs, led by Eliza Orlins, wanted to move on. Tension filled the air. "I didn't want to be too pushy because I didn't want to be the odd person out," confessed Eliza.
As the men of Lopevi worked to find their camp in the darkness, they had problems with navigation. Rory Freeman, attempted to lead the tribe. After he pled his case, it was clear that Rory's efforts were in vain and had alienated him from the rest. "Rory, I don't think he's gonna fit in. There's one in every bunch," complained Brook.
After finding their camp and enjoying a good night's sleep, the women of Yasur awoke with the task of building a shelter. It was clear right away that certain members of the tribe thought they had more of a work ethic than others. As Twila Tanner, Ami Cusack, and Scout worked hard to build their shelter, some of the younger members of the tribe, including Eliza and Dolly Neely, basked in the sun while enjoying a relaxing swim. "I call all these sorority girls 'bowheads' because they all like to hang together," observed Scout, "They're like cattle."
Meanwhile at the Lopevi camp, the men were in serious need of fire in order to boil their water. John Palyok, vigorously attempted to ignite a flame, but his efforts were in vain. After the tribe worked to set up their camp, Chad Crittenden, stunned his tribemates by revealing he has a prosthetic foot. Chad explained that he had recently lost his foot in a battle with cancer. The rest of Lopevi were surprised and inspired, but not necessarily merciful. "All the power to him, I totally think that's inspirational," confessed Brook, "but if I have to vote his ass out of here tomorrow, I'm still gonna vote his ass out of here tomorrow."
As the tribes met Jeff Probst for the first Challenge of SURVIVOR:VANUATU, they learned it would be a combination Immunity and Reward Challenge. Jeff Probst explained that this Challenge would be an obstacle course requiring the use of many skills. The castaways first had to go beneath a mud crawl and solve a box maze. Following the box maze, the Survivors must then cross over a very narrow balance beam to light a fire in order to drop a torch. The torch is needed to light a final wok, which would signify the victory, as well as Immunity from the first Tribal Council of SURVIVOR: VANUATU. As a bonus, the winning tribe would also enjoy the reward of flint to help build a much-needed fire.
The competition got off to a dirty start as both tribes navigated the mud crawl. The men made quick work of the puzzle maze and took their lead to the balance beam, where they struggled to cross it one by one. The men maintained their lead until Chris simply could not cross the balance beam. As Chris tried and tried, his tribe witnessed the women of Yasur overtake the lead and go on to the build a fire. Despite being cheered on by his Lopevi tribemates, Chris still could not cross the beam, and the Yasur tribe ignited the wok and torched their way to the crucial Immunity.
After returning to camp from the crushing defeat, most of the Lopevi members deemed it a forgone conclusion that Chris would be the first one voted off because of his balance beam failure. Some members of the tribe had other ideas, however, as Lea Masters, started to build an alliance on the fly with some of the older members of Lopevi. Lea acknowledged that the younger tribe members might be stronger, but they were also cockier and therefore must be dealt with. As Lea explained, "I'm gonna pick the young ones off one by one until there's only four people left."
In the end, Lea's plan was off to a good start as young Brook was shocked to witness the five out of nine votes that made him the first castaway to be voted out of SURVIVOR: VANUATU.
Thirty-nine days, eighteen new castaways, two tribes separated by gender and one frightening ring of fire. SURVIVOR: VANUATU--ISLANDS OF FIRE has begun. On night three, the newly formed Lopevi tribe was forced to make their first dreaded trek to Tribal Council, where they voted out Brook Geraghty, in a shocking decision. Convinced the tribe would vote out Chris Daugherty, for singlehandedly losing a vital Challenge, Brook was blindsided when he realized he was the victim of an early, unseen alliance within the tribe. Leaving Tribal Council, Brook remarked, "I got beat, bottom line. Some of them got me. They got me good."
Aboard a boat in the clear waters within the island nation of Vanuatu, eighteen strangers from different walks of life eagerly awaited the chance to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other in pursuit of the coveted million-dollar prize. The Survivors were awestruck to see hundreds of indigenous Vanuatu tribe members quickly rush the boat while shouting out a fierce battle cry. Host Jeff Probst explained that before the castaways were going to be welcome on these islands replete with black magic, sorcery and tribal rituals, they would first have to pass local initiation rites.
Upon reaching the shore, the castaways were greeted by spear-wielding Vanuatu warriors, who separated the Survivors by gender. It became obvious that the men were getting treatment superior to that given the women. The Vanuatu tribe Chief offered each man a local drink known as kava while the women were left to watch. After the Vanuatu warriors sacrificed a pig in a ritual, they smeared the blood on the faces of the male castaways, and then issued a challenge. If a male castaway could retrieve a spiritual stone from the top of a pole laden with pig fat, it would bring them good luck. If the male castaway were to fail, then the women would receive the stone and the luck. The first male Survivor chosen for this task was Brady Finta. Brady took to the task with perseverance as he shimmied up the pole and snatched the stone, thus starting off his journey with much-needed good luck.
After being divided into two tribes separated by gender, the Vanuatu castaways headed their separate ways through the dark night in order to find their respective camps. The men's tribe was called Lopevi, while the women were now the Yasur tribe. As the Yasur tribe negotiated the dangerous rocky beach path, factions quickly developed. Scout Cloud Lee, decided she would stop the trek in order to rest until daylight. She was joined by other tribemates while another group of Yasurs, led by Eliza Orlins, wanted to move on. Tension filled the air. "I didn't want to be too pushy because I didn't want to be the odd person out," confessed Eliza.
As the men of Lopevi worked to find their camp in the darkness, they had problems with navigation. Rory Freeman, attempted to lead the tribe. After he pled his case, it was clear that Rory's efforts were in vain and had alienated him from the rest. "Rory, I don't think he's gonna fit in. There's one in every bunch," complained Brook.
After finding their camp and enjoying a good night's sleep, the women of Yasur awoke with the task of building a shelter. It was clear right away that certain members of the tribe thought they had more of a work ethic than others. As Twila Tanner, Ami Cusack, and Scout worked hard to build their shelter, some of the younger members of the tribe, including Eliza and Dolly Neely, basked in the sun while enjoying a relaxing swim. "I call all these sorority girls 'bowheads' because they all like to hang together," observed Scout, "They're like cattle."
Meanwhile at the Lopevi camp, the men were in serious need of fire in order to boil their water. John Palyok, vigorously attempted to ignite a flame, but his efforts were in vain. After the tribe worked to set up their camp, Chad Crittenden, stunned his tribemates by revealing he has a prosthetic foot. Chad explained that he had recently lost his foot in a battle with cancer. The rest of Lopevi were surprised and inspired, but not necessarily merciful. "All the power to him, I totally think that's inspirational," confessed Brook, "but if I have to vote his ass out of here tomorrow, I'm still gonna vote his ass out of here tomorrow."
As the tribes met Jeff Probst for the first Challenge of SURVIVOR:VANUATU, they learned it would be a combination Immunity and Reward Challenge. Jeff Probst explained that this Challenge would be an obstacle course requiring the use of many skills. The castaways first had to go beneath a mud crawl and solve a box maze. Following the box maze, the Survivors must then cross over a very narrow balance beam to light a fire in order to drop a torch. The torch is needed to light a final wok, which would signify the victory, as well as Immunity from the first Tribal Council of SURVIVOR: VANUATU. As a bonus, the winning tribe would also enjoy the reward of flint to help build a much-needed fire.
The competition got off to a dirty start as both tribes navigated the mud crawl. The men made quick work of the puzzle maze and took their lead to the balance beam, where they struggled to cross it one by one. The men maintained their lead until Chris simply could not cross the balance beam. As Chris tried and tried, his tribe witnessed the women of Yasur overtake the lead and go on to the build a fire. Despite being cheered on by his Lopevi tribemates, Chris still could not cross the beam, and the Yasur tribe ignited the wok and torched their way to the crucial Immunity.
After returning to camp from the crushing defeat, most of the Lopevi members deemed it a forgone conclusion that Chris would be the first one voted off because of his balance beam failure. Some members of the tribe had other ideas, however, as Lea Masters, started to build an alliance on the fly with some of the older members of Lopevi. Lea acknowledged that the younger tribe members might be stronger, but they were also cockier and therefore must be dealt with. As Lea explained, "I'm gonna pick the young ones off one by one until there's only four people left."
In the end, Lea's plan was off to a good start as young Brook was shocked to witness the five out of nine votes that made him the first castaway to be voted out of SURVIVOR: VANUATU.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Hanging By a Moment
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I've started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Now I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
Standing here until you make me move
Hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running aand I'm not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That would change my mind
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not sure which way to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
This song, most people feel that it is a beautiful love song, one that the artist wrote for the girlfriend. But really, I find that it is a beautiful love song, but not to some random girl, but for God. For me, it is the line in the song "Forgetting all I'm lacking,Completely incomplete. I'll take your invitation. You take all of me" Perfect example of our relationship with Christ Jesus. When it comes to making a decision to follow Christ, you need to forget that you are incomplete and just accept the invitation as what it is, a way of salvation.
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I've started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Now I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
Standing here until you make me move
Hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running aand I'm not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That would change my mind
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not sure which way to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
This song, most people feel that it is a beautiful love song, one that the artist wrote for the girlfriend. But really, I find that it is a beautiful love song, but not to some random girl, but for God. For me, it is the line in the song "Forgetting all I'm lacking,Completely incomplete. I'll take your invitation. You take all of me" Perfect example of our relationship with Christ Jesus. When it comes to making a decision to follow Christ, you need to forget that you are incomplete and just accept the invitation as what it is, a way of salvation.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
"We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for"
That quote is from a Maria Von Ebner-Eschenbach. When I first heard it, it made me angry, who does this person think she is, telling me that I am vain. But when I actually took the time to think about what she was saying, it made complete sense. It is true, people tend to get offended and make a fuss about things that other people say about them. Who cares what other people think of you? The only opinion in this world that should matter to any of us, is the opinion that God, our Heavenly Father thinks of us. It should not matter to any of what Jimmy Ray Bob Sue says about us, only God matters.
I was reading, I do that a lot now that I am unemployed, and in one of my books "Beautiful in God's Eyes" I am learning how to think and act like the Women of Proverbs 31. I have a lot of respect for those women. Now the real point of the book is to teach us women how to be loving and loyal wives...and well...I hate to break it to everyone, but I am not married! I know, shock of all shocks, who would have guessed it? But anyways, my point, this book is saying that before you can be that loyal and loving wife to someone, you have to a)Love yourself, and b) Love God with your whole heart. I have b) down pretty good, and well...the a) is coming.
Wow, I got off topic a little there, what I am trying to get across to you, is don't care so much about what others think of you. I used to do it all the time, if someone made a comment about me...say, that I need therapy, I would let it get to me and get all pouty and such, come on, you all know it to be true. But I am working on this problem, (not the fact that I need therapy, that is a given fact) but rather that I take what other people say about me to heart, and that is not what God wants for me, He wants me to be happy with who I am, with who He made me to be. How are you feeling about who you are?
I thought for good measure, because I have missed it so muchm why not throw in a Jenelle's song lyric for the day.
Who I am
Jessica Andrews
If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be all right
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face I know
I'll be all right
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am.
I was reading, I do that a lot now that I am unemployed, and in one of my books "Beautiful in God's Eyes" I am learning how to think and act like the Women of Proverbs 31. I have a lot of respect for those women. Now the real point of the book is to teach us women how to be loving and loyal wives...and well...I hate to break it to everyone, but I am not married! I know, shock of all shocks, who would have guessed it? But anyways, my point, this book is saying that before you can be that loyal and loving wife to someone, you have to a)Love yourself, and b) Love God with your whole heart. I have b) down pretty good, and well...the a) is coming.
Wow, I got off topic a little there, what I am trying to get across to you, is don't care so much about what others think of you. I used to do it all the time, if someone made a comment about me...say, that I need therapy, I would let it get to me and get all pouty and such, come on, you all know it to be true. But I am working on this problem, (not the fact that I need therapy, that is a given fact) but rather that I take what other people say about me to heart, and that is not what God wants for me, He wants me to be happy with who I am, with who He made me to be. How are you feeling about who you are?
I thought for good measure, because I have missed it so muchm why not throw in a Jenelle's song lyric for the day.
Who I am
Jessica Andrews
If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be all right
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face I know
I'll be all right
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Forget about the bad stuff? But it is so hard
I have been sitting behind the keyboard of this here computer all afternoon, trying desperately to come up with something to write about. I have had no luck. So, I thought back to the summer, that is what I appear to do a lot these days. My mother challenged me to try to think of 5 good things that came out of the summer, and none of them could be "Graham came to visit me" because I could just use that for all 5. So, it has been tough, I tend forget the good stuff, sort of filter them out and focus on all of the horrible rotten things that had happened. So after much thought, I came up with 5 things that made the entire summer worth while.
One: Making a new group of friends that I know will last a lifetime. I went into the summer, knowing who each person was on the staff, but not "really knowing" them. I knew their names, I could picture their faces, but I knew nothing about who any of them really were. Who knew that some of the people I became closest to would be a 15 year old boy and a 16-year old girl. Who knew that the person I depended on the most would be the one person I thought I would not like from when I was younger. I for one, had no clue what was in store for me. So, thank you Beth and Brian and Emily, for being one of the good things this summer.
Two: Vesper's Point. How could I make a list of good things this summer and not include Vesper's. It was my life line. The one place that I could go when everything was crazy and just pray and cry and no one would disturb me. That place has always held a special place in my heart. That is the place where I first accepted Jesus into my heart. It is the place that every Saturday Night while I was a Sr. Hi camper, I would cry with my fab 4. It is God's special place. So no, I could not just forget about it, it would be the only thing on the list if my mother would let me get away with that.
Three: Sr. Hi Worship. Josh Hill said it best when he told me that he would still pay the $250 to come up to camp, if all they did all day was have worship. I pointed out to him that worship can and should take part all day in our lives. I too would have been content paying that much money to just sing all day long. Having the Hill brothers come up to camp to lead us made the best of the summer. I knew there was no way that it could be destroyed for us, God would not let that happen.
Four: Perm Staff Campfire: I know, what is with this? Jenelle West actually putting campfire on her list? What is going on. No, I specifically said "Perm Staff" campfire. There is a difference. This was the time when we could all forget the stresses of the day and just act crazy and stupid and let it all out. It made the bad days seem brigher when we knew that we could have fun and not have to worry about "the boss" yelling at us anymore.
Five: Courage: This may seem like a strange thing to up on the 5 good things about camp. But really, I would say that me finally getting up the nerve to tell my "boss" what I think of her was a good thing for me. Most of you know that I tend to avoid conflict at all costs. If I have a problem with someone, I tend to run for the hills and pretend it never happened. For once, I stood up for myself and that felt really good.
Six: Graham coming to visit: Yeah, I know this one doesn't count...that is why I put it down as number 6, it really was one of the best experiences of the entire summer. When he came up, I could forget about the problems and just enjoy the time I had with him. He has a habit of making me forget the bad things, and that is a really good thing. One of the main reason I love him is for this very reasons. When I need him, he just always seems to be there...even though he is now in New Brunswick, it always seems that the days I feel down, or desperate for a friendly face, there is a letter or an email to lift me up. So, Thank you Graham for always being there for me. I really do love you
One: Making a new group of friends that I know will last a lifetime. I went into the summer, knowing who each person was on the staff, but not "really knowing" them. I knew their names, I could picture their faces, but I knew nothing about who any of them really were. Who knew that some of the people I became closest to would be a 15 year old boy and a 16-year old girl. Who knew that the person I depended on the most would be the one person I thought I would not like from when I was younger. I for one, had no clue what was in store for me. So, thank you Beth and Brian and Emily, for being one of the good things this summer.
Two: Vesper's Point. How could I make a list of good things this summer and not include Vesper's. It was my life line. The one place that I could go when everything was crazy and just pray and cry and no one would disturb me. That place has always held a special place in my heart. That is the place where I first accepted Jesus into my heart. It is the place that every Saturday Night while I was a Sr. Hi camper, I would cry with my fab 4. It is God's special place. So no, I could not just forget about it, it would be the only thing on the list if my mother would let me get away with that.
Three: Sr. Hi Worship. Josh Hill said it best when he told me that he would still pay the $250 to come up to camp, if all they did all day was have worship. I pointed out to him that worship can and should take part all day in our lives. I too would have been content paying that much money to just sing all day long. Having the Hill brothers come up to camp to lead us made the best of the summer. I knew there was no way that it could be destroyed for us, God would not let that happen.
Four: Perm Staff Campfire: I know, what is with this? Jenelle West actually putting campfire on her list? What is going on. No, I specifically said "Perm Staff" campfire. There is a difference. This was the time when we could all forget the stresses of the day and just act crazy and stupid and let it all out. It made the bad days seem brigher when we knew that we could have fun and not have to worry about "the boss" yelling at us anymore.
Five: Courage: This may seem like a strange thing to up on the 5 good things about camp. But really, I would say that me finally getting up the nerve to tell my "boss" what I think of her was a good thing for me. Most of you know that I tend to avoid conflict at all costs. If I have a problem with someone, I tend to run for the hills and pretend it never happened. For once, I stood up for myself and that felt really good.
Six: Graham coming to visit: Yeah, I know this one doesn't count...that is why I put it down as number 6, it really was one of the best experiences of the entire summer. When he came up, I could forget about the problems and just enjoy the time I had with him. He has a habit of making me forget the bad things, and that is a really good thing. One of the main reason I love him is for this very reasons. When I need him, he just always seems to be there...even though he is now in New Brunswick, it always seems that the days I feel down, or desperate for a friendly face, there is a letter or an email to lift me up. So, Thank you Graham for always being there for me. I really do love you
Monday, September 13, 2004
New and Improved
So, here's the deal. I have taken a leave of absence. But now I am back. Yay! I am hoping that I will be able to post things more often, but I am only human and I will most likely fail. I know that you will all forgive me though, because that is who you all are. As you can see from this sight, I have been doing a little modifying, and this site should become more exciting in the near future.
Lately, because I am currently unemployed, I have been doing a lot of reading, and I came across my favourite poem in one of my books and it has led me to change my approach on this site. The poem, if you did not notice is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. I feel that this is what I have done over the summer, I took the road not travelled as often, and it may have left me a little bitter and jaded, but I have grown in spirit and as a person, I hope for the better.
For those who do not know, I spent the summer working up at Camp Hermosa http://www.camphermosa.org It was honestly one of the most difficult times of my entire life, but I survived, (just barely) and I feel good about the fact that I stood up for my convictions and dealt head on with the problem of the summer. That was an impowering experience, one that I hope I never have to deal with again however.
Let me close today's entry by simply saying, if you have a problem with a co-worker, whether it is your boss or your friend, don't let it simmer all summer, it will just blow up in your face in the end.
Lately, because I am currently unemployed, I have been doing a lot of reading, and I came across my favourite poem in one of my books and it has led me to change my approach on this site. The poem, if you did not notice is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. I feel that this is what I have done over the summer, I took the road not travelled as often, and it may have left me a little bitter and jaded, but I have grown in spirit and as a person, I hope for the better.
For those who do not know, I spent the summer working up at Camp Hermosa http://www.camphermosa.org It was honestly one of the most difficult times of my entire life, but I survived, (just barely) and I feel good about the fact that I stood up for my convictions and dealt head on with the problem of the summer. That was an impowering experience, one that I hope I never have to deal with again however.
Let me close today's entry by simply saying, if you have a problem with a co-worker, whether it is your boss or your friend, don't let it simmer all summer, it will just blow up in your face in the end.
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